If people say you can't make it through life being tardy....

Point out that those who were late to work survived 9/11.

Hey Nordstrom, thought you should know....

Putting your XL and XS models side-by-side on your website makes all your clothes look crappy.

"Yo momma so poor....

She had a dollar yard sale
and made money on everything she owned."

PeoplePaula-ism of the Day:

"Hey, did you get the new Kanye album yet? I hear it's....



THE GOOD SHIT LOLLIPOP."

I was disappointed to find out....

That I will not, in fact, be taught anything about
W.E.B. Du Bois today.

Where Michael Scott falls on the Steve Rhoades - Phil Gills Scale:

Pizza or Prayer?

Not a lot to do in Annapolis, Maryland.

Dear Girls:

Please stop trying to do things "just as good as the boys" and failing. You're embarrassing the rest of us.

If Sarah Palin taught the world one thing about babies....

Kelly Preston wasn't listening.

Hey Kleenex,

The environment wanted me to tell you that you're a real bunch of jerks.

Harvard student caught in web of lies and deceit....

I see an Oscar for Jake Gyllenhaal!

It's gonna be really sad....

When Spencer murders Heidi.

Community & Parks and Recreation:

The Office and 30 Rock of our generation.

Facebook:

Doing Lorne Michaels' job better than Lorne Michaels since 2010.

Congratulations, Creators of Mountain Dew Typhoon....

You've made Cactus Cooler.

iPhone Concert Commercial

Isn't this what they're really saying??

Badly timed movie release:

I wonder who will be this decade's....

Elias Koteas/Christopher Meloni.

Saddest part of the Oscars:

Oprah telling Precious that she has a long career in Hollywood in front of her. You know, because there are so many roles out there for obese black women.

Hey, Far Left....

I don't think so.

Thanks, Plastic Surgery!

The "Golden Girls" were 62, 63, 51 & 63....



Which are how old Loni Anderson, Suzanne Somers, Jennifer Tilly and Jaclyn Smith are now.

Hey Comedy Central,

Maybe it's not the best idea to air the Artie Lange stand-up special "Jack & Coke" right after the alcoholic drug addict tried to stab himself to death.

Just a thought.

Aren't they all....?

"The best Disney movie since The Lion King!"