Saturday, July 28, 2007

A few words for the Democratic candidates:

Stop saying, "When I was first lady..." You might as well say, "Hey, remember when I was just the old ball and chain to someone important... And that someone important kept banging other broads?"

Just give it up already. You're like a cute little hamster, spinning his wheel without ever going anywhere. (You know, if the cute little hamster had a wife at home who was DYING of CANCER.)

You know what, you're right: The debates have not given you equal airtime to speak your mind. But perhaps you could use the time you do have to explain how the fuck you got into these debates in the first place.

Sorry, but I just don't see the history books saying, "This president announced his candidacy on the 'nappy-headed ho's show'."

It's not that we don't like you. It's just that we can't bring ourselves to vote for the semi-autistic love child of Robert Blake and the title character from Leprechaun the movie.

You had me at hello. You lost me at "I support the NRA."

Look, nobody wants their irrational Varsity basketball coach running the government.

Everyone likes you and you make very nice speeches. Now could you get to the fucking point, please?

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