Wednesday, September 14, 2005

A Boarding School for Girls

Actual names from the 2005 alumnae magazine of my alma mater, Garrison Forest:

Old School

Reute Butler
Tootie Whealton Burrows
Pendie Pendergast Bell Lippincott
Lowrie Wurts Ebberts
Kitty von Stade Krumpe
Ginnie Croker Easter
Kinko Bailey Hackney
Peppy Heppie Heppenheimer Chase
Taine Yearley Draper
Mimi Stone Medina
Brigid Biggs Buendia
Katie House Constable
Mary Deas Boykin Wortley
Sally-Heath Fahnestock Lloyd
Susan Fremont Fledgling Bird Giancana
Susie Boo Boocock Weld

The Poos

Poo Dana Putsch
Pooh Kuhn Browne
Poo Hoblitzell
Pootah Barrett Rich

They're Really Not Strippers

Bambi Glaccum
Bunny Renaud
Buppy Rawson
Keithie McKendrick
Meriwether LeBlond
Muffie Murray
Muffy Mudge
Sassy Stifel
Westy Litz
Winky Warfield
Weezie Pistell

White Things

Bunny Wight Herring
Christine White Man
Louise White Christmas

They're Really Not Porn Stars

Polly Dickey Cockburn
Titia Dick Ellis
Gay Buck Bennett
La Biggs Moan

19 comments:

Anonymous said...

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Nick Malis said...

I know Paula, and I can say with complete confidence that she's definitely interested in how to buy & sell everything, like music on interest free credit.

d said...

Paula, I'm not sure you should be throwing stones -- if memory serves, your middle name is of the unusual variety...like it's a dude's name or something. Gene! It's Gene! No idea where I pulled that from, but I'm sure I now have forgotten something rather important because of it.

Granted, it's no Bigboobs McGee, but still.

Bigboobs McGee said...

Please don't make fun of me. And yes, I did in fact grow into my name. No need to ask, jerks.

Jesus Toast said...

Polly Dickey? Did you call her Polly or Dickey? Wow, I thought Tootie was appropriate yet goofy, but Polly Dickey! Simply awesome.

Anonymous said...

I would just like to say that Hilles Horner is my mother and it is actually really disrespectful that you think her maiden name should be a that of a stripper. She is now Hilles Whedbee and happens to be a very well known and wonderful nurse midwife and is actually doing something nice for people instead of making fun of other peoples names. You also might want to check with all of these people and see if they like you using their names as punch lines.

People Paula said...

I apologize for the unauthorized use of the name Hilles Horner. I would be happy to remove the name Hilles Horner from the list. If anyone besides Hilles Horner would like her name removed, please email me.

Anonymous said...

My favorite aspect of the anonymous post: bad grammar. Peoples' names. Apostrophe. The possessive.

Anonymous said...

people is already plural, dr. grammar. people's is the correct usage.

Anonymous said...

They all sound like hill billy names if you say 'em with a twang.

Anonymous said...

Garrison Forest? Weird School. I was thrown off the campus one night by the headmistress when we were there to see some people with the kind of weird names you read above.

Then we went to St. Tim's and saw even weirder names.

The Baltimore area has the weirdest preppy names of any city in the US.

Anonymous said...

LOL...Paula you kill me! Glad I didn't see my name up there, sucker! -learic

Anonymous said...

On campus there is a bench dedicated to Elizabeth Hooker Slaughter, I always loved that

Shaneia said...

What an absolutely GREAT post and what interesting comments it provoked.
It is a hard thing to believe if you didn't witness it...I was there! And I still CAN'T believe it...
Did I really go there. The real world is SOOOO different!!

Jack209 said...

Its a good post and such type of reunions are really important for alumni of boarding schools . I appreciate the writer’s efforts.

private school said...

Your blog is artistic and exciting. In excellent boarding schools, students realize their potential and grow under the sheer control of teachers. Teachers of the boarding schools give individual attention to the boarders and help them out when they call for support.

http://www.teensprivateschools.com/schooltypes/Day-Boarding/index.html

Courtenay said...

had to revisit this one :).

can we talk about all the freaking babies?!!? eek!

Girls Schools said...

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