Just when you thought working at GM couldn't get any crappier....

They go and give your employee discount to everyone.

Hottest terrorist group ever:

The Moro Islamic Liberation Front, aka MILF.

As a speaker, Barack is no Bill Clinton....

But I still want to have nasty Oval Office sex with him.

Newsflash!

Barack Obama was raised by his single mom & grandparents, in case you somehow missed the constant reminders.

New American Idol judge Kara DioGuardi:

The beginning of the end.

If there's a cable channel just for Hallmark movies....

Why not one that shows old Olympics all the time?

The real reason Obama chose Joe Biden:

He reminds Barack of an old varsity basketball coach.

A phrase I thought I'd die without ever hearing:

"Lipstick Jungle returns."

Hey Old El Paso....

It's about fricking time.

Goodbye bald eagles & reindeer.... Hello highways!

Thanks to Bush trashing the 35-year-old Environmental Species Act.

Congratulations, Michael Phelps!

You've won what appears to be a really gay halter top.
In exchange, it seems you've lost your shorts.

Hey Klondike Bar....

What's with the weird misogyny?

The next national credit crisis:

Young, überhip, unemployed jerk offs who can't afford the monthly bills on their stupid iPhones.

NBC airs primetime Olympic coverage....

MSNBC & CNBC have the masculine sports like boxing & judo.... Oxygen & USA show the girly stuff like equestrian & rhythm gymnastics....



So where do we tune in to see all the amazing athletes who aren't fricking AMERICAN?

How can they give Michael Phelps 7 gold medals....

When LeBron James, Jennie Finch and Misty May-Treanor can only get one each?

NBC: When all else fails....

Make your current crap show ("the show called Life") sound like a cult hit that was canceled years ago (My So-Called Life).

Why the new McDonald's ad is truer than they intend:

Because, in every batch, there's always one malformed or overcooked or not-potato french fry you have to leave behind.

The 2008 Summer Olympics in Beijing:

China's way of showing the world how easily it can amass a giant army, which it can then teach to do anything at all.

RIP Bernie Mac & Bernie Brillstein....

Bernie Williams might want to watch his step for a few days.

Retail Irony: You couldn't make this stuff up.

Why do they still call it sperm & egg donation....

When you get paid for it?

People Paula Prediction:

Tropic Thunder is not as good as everyone thinks it will be.

Skinny, blond, British reality TV show co-hosts:

They're the new black.

Introducing People Paula's new website!!!

ThePaulaDixon.com

(Like PeoplePaula, only wordier.)

How can Disney pull Song of the South off the shelves....

And then make this?

A page from the new McConaughey baby book:

"Oh dear God, what have I done?! I can't turn back now!
All right, all right, all right...."

Worst bank name ever:

Three movies I can't believe they haven't made yet:

Any David Sedaris book.

The story of Artimus Pyle, the Lynyrd Skynyrd drummer who almost died in a plane crash that killed his bandmates, then got shot while seeking help. These days he's a child molester.

A real remake of WarGames.

A rare glimpse at what People Paula does when bored:

Television stardom: It's all fame and fortune....

Until your heart explodes.