That MacGyver bit on SNL would've been funnier....

If Richard Dean Anderson had been halfway recognizable.

People Paula Crush of the Week: T. J. Holmes

Nice lips, voice like butter, big hands.... You know what I'm talking about, ladies. (And other CNN viewers who have a hard time getting it up for Wolf Blitzer anymore.)

Dear Siobhan Fallon,

Sometimes it's best for a character actor not to act like such a character.

They still have them on airplanes, but seriously....

Who the hell uses barf bags anymore??

What the 2009 SAG Awards proved:

Meryl Streep really is the greatest actress of our generation, since she pulled off looking that excited about a shitty SAG award.

Katie Holmes and her boobs are confused about what SAG stands for.

James Earl Jones is getting whiter with age.

Rapper Analogies: 50 Cent is to Sundance 2009....

As P. Diddy was to Cannes 2008.

Why "He's Just Not That Into You" is going to be lame:

1. It's directed by the guy who made The Beautician and the Beast and License to Wed.
2. It thinks MySpace is the new anything.
3. Scarlett Johansson is in it.

Dear Criminals,

Now is the perfect time to rob a gas station in D.C.

Malcolm Gladwell, Jon Glaser & Charlie Kaufman:

Do all overrated writers look the same?

Am I the only one...

Who finds these "Whopper Virgin" commercials a little anthropologically disturbing?

Make the most of New Year's Eve...

And your last chance to wear these glasses!

I can't tell if it's the Nazi uniform or the eye patch...

But Tom Cruise looks hotter in Valkyrie than he ever has.

Now I Lay Me Down to Sleep?

People Paula Fashion Trend Prediction for 2009:

Mustaches.

Is it just me....

Or does Steven Soderbergh's film Che look a lot like Billy Walsh's Medellin?

President Bush shows catlike reflexes!

Eight years in and NOW we find out he's actually good at something.

I know Stephen Colbert's narcissism started as a joke,

But the more he runs over his guests, the less funny it seems.

I may be a straight man stuck in a woman's body...

If my reaction to these posters has anything to do with it.

Kate Winslet & Ralph Fiennes star in The Reader....

A film that couldn't look more like a boring book if it tried.

Hey MTV,

What kind of lifelong, inviolable contract did you make with Britney Spears? If it weren't for you and your "documentaries" and "awards" no one would even remember the name Britney.

Coolest Nepotistic Connection in Hollywood:

Jake & Maggie Gyllenhaal, Zooey & Emily Deschanel and Amber Tamblyn each had a parent who worked on Twin Peaks. And all my stupid parents did was build houses.

Partini!

Tons of fun for anyone who's never attended a party or had a martini.

Dear Saturday Night Live,

Stop doing this.

People Paula once again uses her free time wisely:

Slumdog Millionaire:

I can't believe they made a movie out of that old Christina Ricci SNL sketch.

Disaronno: I've never seen so many ads....

For a product nobody likes.

Facebook:

Your daily gallery of shit you weren't invited to the night before.

Hey President Bush,

What's with the handshake?

Unlike the telephone and the lightbulb before them....

Today's remarkable inventions bring us one step closer to having boobs everywhere.

I can't believe I cried at Zack & Miri Make a Porno...

But I didn't when Obama won.

Hey Kentucky & Vermont, keep it in your pants.

I know you just want to be #1 in something, but it's not a crime to actually count the votes.

Joatever happened to Joaquin Phoenix?