I'm beginning to think...

Jim Carrey hates children.

Cheddar, bold party, hot & spicy, peanut lovers, caramel crunch, honey nut, trail mix, turtle, peanut butter, dark chocolate and strawberry....

But no Chex-only Chex Mix???

It's kind of gross...

How Corn Pops, Fig Newtons and Red Vines go stale the moment air touches them.

Based on nothing per se....

These are the hot actors I assume are totally gay.

Kanye may be a crazy drunk....

But he's still right.

You know you're out of shape when....

You realize the only exercise your abs get is when you're coughing from all those cigarettes you smoke.

You Are Ells: Cool blogs that've linked to People Paula

- Defamer
- Too Much Awesome
- Goldenfiddlr
- Malis in Wonderland
- Vanmega
- Urban Socialite

Gerard Butler must have....

The worst agent in Hollywood.

You Are Ells:

- Wow. Mick Jagger looks really bad in these photos.
- These guys are unbelievable at finding celeb lookalikes.
- They didn't call him Tricky Dick for nothing.
- The house of the future in one word: Plastics.
- I mean, you have to be a real dum dum not to solve this.
- The best celebrity roast in history: Frank Sinatra.

Coming to your television this fall....

The pop culture trends of 2007.

If Thomas Jane and Anne Heche actually had children....

Do you think they'd look anything like their kids on Hung?

You Are Ells:

- No wonder Woody smokes so much pot.
- I'd love to think like Mitch Hedberg, but I'm just not into heroin.
- Artificial Intelligence: Scarier than the Saw movies.
- What's so wrong with Coal Black and de Sebben Dwarfs?
- Bookie, gimme 2 large on "The universe will stop expanding."
- I wonder what this adorable little girl looks like now.

Dear Huffington Post:

Could you please put more shit all over your site? Thanks.

Fine, I'll admit it:

Jimmy Fallon is actually getting better.

Holy God.

While my brain is on near-permanent vacation, please check out my twitter over there.

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Why do poor people on sitcoms....

Always have brand new clothes and furniture?

Clear Channel Song of the Week:

Dramarama's "Anything, Anything (I'll Give You)"

People Paula's Contribution to the Modern Lexicon:

BORNY (bohr-nee) adj.: bored + horny

As in: "Why did you sleep with that guy?"

"I don't know, guess I was just borny."

Pet Peeve of the Week:

People who say, "To make a long story short..."



And then tell the whole long-ass story anyway.

So you marry Ryan Adams & all of a sudden you're cool?

OK, Mandy Moore.

Is twitter the death of the blog?

Or just a repetitive stabbing to mine?

When you really think about it....

Hershey's Syrup doesn't even taste like chocolate.

The internet has really killed our ability to say....

"Whatever happened to...."

Isn't all of The Soup....

"Reality show clip time" now?

First Batman, now John Connor....

As another film icon is strapped with the worst speech impediment in show business.

Hey, Dance Flick....

You do know that Save the Last Dance came out more than 8 years ago, right?