Riddle me this, Federal Aviation Administration:

Why exactly are you still making air traffic controllers work 20+ hour days?

Apparently Courtney Love told her plastic surgeon she wanted to look like a celebrity....

As long as that celebrity wasn't Courtney Love.

Sweeney Todd stars a wacky Johnny Depp... in Victorian London... using blades on people?

Thanks, but I already paid to see From Hell, Sleepy Hollow & Edward Scissorhands.

I like ventriloquist comedy as much as the next guy....

A very special holiday Wikipedia quote:

"According to African American leader Al Sharpton, Kwanzaa was created to 'de-whitize' Christmas."

Is it sacrilegious....

That I kind of want to bone the Dalai Lama?

Hey Penn State:

Was the Nittany Lion born near a nuclear reactor?

If you thought your parents ruined your childhood....

When I was a child, I smiled because I was happy....

Now I smile to hide the wrinkles I got from all that goddamn smiling.

An open letter to everyone I know born in December:

I'm sorry.

But with the holidays and all, it's really just too much to deal with your birthday too. You might want to consider moving it to one of the less eventful months, like March.