OMG, I totally love that hat on Mandy Moore...

I mean Kelly Clarkson...



Um, wait. That's Jennifer Lopez???

I hope this guy's as good in "Big Bang Theory" as he was...

In one of the best commercials ever.

How come "HIV" and "AZT" are programmed into Blackberry's text language,

But I have to type out "Paula" every goddamn time?

I thought Ben Stiller was phoning it in...

Until I saw what the guy who writes the taglines did.

Enough with the gerund-name movie titles, hmm?

The Dodge Magnum:

Finally, a socially acceptable station wagon for big black guys.

If Larry Wachowski really wants to be a woman...

I think I know which woman he wants to be:

So what's with all the 'Chuck' shit lately?

I really can't wait for...

Celebrity Kid Nation.

A new take on an old classic:

Rob Zombie's Plot Hole-oween!

Come on, Jodie Foster:

Of course the cops don't believe anything you say after, "My boyfriend..."

Am I the only person who needs to know...

Who the hell is being surveyed in the first place?

And here I thought...

Rebecca Gayheart and John Singleton would never have anything in common.

I wonder if Wes Anderson regrets filming...

The "Needle in the Hay" scene in The Royal Tenenbaums.

Just wondering...

Shouldn't he be a contestant on this show?

That kid from Superbad:

All the wide-eyed, slack-jawed optimism of a young Chris Penn, crossed with the biting wit and bloated jowls of an old Chris Penn.

A few words for the Democratic candidates:

Stop saying, "When I was first lady..." You might as well say, "Hey, remember when I was just the old ball and chain to someone important... And that someone important kept banging other broads?"

Just give it up already. You're like a cute little hamster, spinning his wheel without ever going anywhere. (You know, if the cute little hamster had a wife at home who was DYING of CANCER.)

You know what, you're right: The debates have not given you equal airtime to speak your mind. But perhaps you could use the time you do have to explain how the fuck you got into these debates in the first place.

Sorry, but I just don't see the history books saying, "This president announced his candidacy on the 'nappy-headed ho's show'."

It's not that we don't like you. It's just that we can't bring ourselves to vote for the semi-autistic love child of Robert Blake and the title character from Leprechaun the movie.

You had me at hello. You lost me at "I support the NRA."

Look, nobody wants their irrational Varsity basketball coach running the government.

Everyone likes you and you make very nice speeches. Now could you get to the fucking point, please?

Thanks Ant,

But we already have one of you.

Not-Much-of-a-Spoiler Alert:

The only Transformer who dies in the movie is the one who's obviously a black guy. Nice work, Michael Bay.

Hey Maytag,

Thanks for the source of my new nightmares.