Legally Blonde The Musical: The Search for Elle Woods

The show's title, concept & choreographer have me convinced that this is really just another Jamie Kennedy Experiment.

While all the major news networks have been covering absolutely nothing but the election since January....

What the hell has George W. Bush been getting away with??

Zac Efron hates when the media says he looks gay....

He should be glad they're not pointing out that he looks like an American Psycho-style murderer.

Butterfly kisses - They're all fun and games until somebody gets an eye....

Covered in ocular herpes simplex infection.

Why doesn't the US have room for immigrants who've busted their asses and given up everything to get here....

When apparently there's plenty of space for every convict, junkie and toothless illiterate to crap out 10 or 12 kids apiece?

Agence France-Presse is the oldest global press agency,

So somebody might want to tell Grandpa News that we don't call Olympic record-holders "Chinamen" anymore.

Regis Philbin & Betty White on Million Dollar Password:

160 years of hilariousness.

Construction Cranes:

They're really tall things, attached to really long things, with big weights on the end. The question isn't why they fall over; it's why we keep thinking they won't.

I was watching the longest commercial EVER last night,

When I suddenly realized it was an episode of The Real World.

If Ethan Hawke were younger & his son Levon were older,

I'd totally want to do it with both of them.

Integrity: From The Foundation for a Better Life

FYI: The Foundation is funded entirely by Philip Anschutz, the guy who....

* Was named one of the world's top 100 richest people and "the greediest executive in America" by Forbes Magazine * Made his fortune in oil (like when he tried to drill through sacred Native American rock drawings, with the support of President Bush) * Owns the largest movie theater chain in America, yet pushed his own film The Lion, the Witch & the Wardrobe in evangelical churches * Bribed politicians to let him build a "super casino" in Manchester, England (the world capital of destitute ex-factory workers) * Is a major donor to George W. Bush & Rick Santorum * Funded the group behind Colorado's Amendment 2, which aimed to deny gays any protection from discrimination, and was ultimately thrown out by the U.S. Supreme Court * Was sued by the state of New York for $1.5 billion in "unjust revenue" * Funds an anti-pornography website run by Donna Rice Hughes (the Monica Lewinsky of the 1980s) which features a chapter entitled "The Final Solution"

If Big Brown could talk after the Belmont, he'd say....

"Didn't you people notice that asshole in the khakis who was standing right in front of the gate & spooked the hell out of me at the start??"

Is it ironic....

That the guy who's famous for going to people's houses to give them big checks for Pubishers Clearing House is now having to clear his house because he didn't give people big checks for it?

I'm not sure.

Why only assholes tell people they're photogenic:

 

Because all they're really saying is, "See how gorgeous you are in this picture? Yeah, you don't actually look like that."

Remember 10 years ago, when movie theaters were like the Gestapo, trying to keep kids out of R-rated films?

I guess we have bigger problems to deal with now.

Detroit Red Wings Win the Stanley Cup Final!

Right? I didn't know they'd ended that hockey strike either.

Why Fox's "The Moment of Truth" Doesn't Work:

A) The contestants already know the questions and we already know the answers.

B) They don't show the actual lie detector test.

C) It's boring.

Hell's Kitchen's Louross & Top Chef's Dale both axed?

It's been a bad week for bitchy Asian midgets who like to cook.

People Paula's Most Underrated Male Film Performances:

 

Gary Cole in Fatal Vision
Martin Donovan in Amateur
Gene Anthony Ray in Fame

The world of the new Indiana Jones:

Where lighting comes out of nowhere.... magnets are blocked by blankets.... and bullets don't hit shit.