I was thinking how cool it would be if Cate Blanchett won Best Actress twice for playing the same character....

But then I remembered who actually won the Oscar in '98.

You make a musical TV show, set in a casino, co-starring a girl from Twin Peaks, only to yank it immediately?

Oh CBS, why must you crap on all my dreams???

Trend Watch: Animal Murder!

It's totally the new black!

So we've got a hoverbed and a robot soldier....

But they really can't invent a TV camera that doesn't add 10 pounds?

Disney's new 3-D version of TIM BURTON's masterpiece "TIM BURTON's The Nightmare Before Christmas"

So real, you'll actually feel like you're kicking Henry Selick in the balls yourself.

Just don't be surprised...

When your son can't add and your daughter puts a whole city street on her first credit card.

People Paula, Celebrity Psychologist:

Gordon Ramsay resents fat men and believes they are weak. This is the result of a failed football career marred by injury. Never able to succeed as the jock he truly believes himself to be, he constantly battles the fat oaf he could potentially become as a chef. He takes out his internal struggle on those who are what he feels he could become, and he expects them to fight as hard as he has fought to overcome the fat man inside. That's all for this week.

Is CBS aware that Courtney...

Might actually not survive?

Hey Jenny McCarthy, Einstein didn't talk until he was four either...

I guess his mom should've sold a bunch of books about how "autistic" he was and how she magically cured him through the power of vitamins too.

The more you know: The completely clickable lyrics to Billy Joel's 1989 classic "We Didn't Start the Fire"....

Harry Truman, Doris Day, Red China, Johnnie Ray
South Pacific, Walter Winchell, Joe DiMaggio
Joe McCarthy, Richard Nixon, Studebaker, television
North Korea, South Korea, Marilyn Monroe
Rosenbergs, H-Bomb, Sugar Ray, Panmunjeom
Brando, The King and I, and The Catcher in the Rye
Eisenhower, vaccine, England's got a new queen
Marciano, Liberace, Santayana goodbye.

(We didn't start the fire. It was always burning, since the world's been turning.
We didn't start the fire. No we didn't light it, but we tried to fight it.)

Josef Stalin, Malenkov, Nasser and Prokofiev
Rockefeller, Campanella, Communist Bloc
Roy Cohn, Juan Peron, Toscanini, Dacron
Dien Bien Phu Falls, Rock Around the Clock
Einstein, James Dean, Brooklyn's got a winning team
Davy Crockett, Peter Pan, Elvis Presley, Disneyland
Bardot, Budapest, Alabama, Khrushchev
Princess Grace, Peyton Place, Trouble in the Suez.

(CHORUS)

Little Rock, Pasternak, Mickey Mantle, Kerouac
Sputnik, Zhou En-Lai, Bridge On The River Kwai
Lebanon, Charles de Gaulle, California Baseball,
Starkweather, Homicide, Children of Thalidomide
Buddy Holly, Ben Hur, Space Monkey, Mafia
Hula Hoops, Castro, Edsel is a no-go
U2, Syngman Rhee, payola and Kennedy
Chubby Checker, Psycho, Belgians in the Congo.

(CHORUS)

Hemingway, Eichmann, Stranger in a Strange Land,
Dylan, Berlin, Bay of Pigs invasion
Lawrence of Arabia, British Beatlemania
Ole Miss, John Glenn, Liston beats Patterson
Pope Paul, Malcolm X, British Politician sex
J.F.K. blown away, what else do I have to say?

(CHORUS)

Birth control, Ho Chi Minh, Richard Nixon back again
Moonshot, Woodstock, Watergate, punk rock
Begin, Reagan, Palestine, Terror on the airline
Ayatollah's in Iran, Russians in Afghanistan
Wheel of Fortune, Sally Ride, heavy metal suicide
Foreign debts, homeless Vets, AIDS, Crack, Bernie Goetz
Hypodermics on the shores, China's under martial law
Rock and Roller cola wars, I can't take it anymore!

The Oddly True Illnesses of the Original Charlie's Angels:

Cancer of the T & A

OMG, I totally love that hat on Mandy Moore...

I mean Kelly Clarkson...



Um, wait. That's Jennifer Lopez???

I hope this guy's as good in "Big Bang Theory" as he was...

In one of the best commercials ever.

How come "HIV" and "AZT" are programmed into Blackberry's text language,

But I have to type out "Paula" every goddamn time?

I thought Ben Stiller was phoning it in...

Until I saw what the guy who writes the taglines did.

Enough with the gerund-name movie titles, hmm?

The Dodge Magnum:

Finally, a socially acceptable station wagon for big black guys.

If Larry Wachowski really wants to be a woman...

I think I know which woman he wants to be:

So what's with all the 'Chuck' shit lately?

I really can't wait for...

Celebrity Kid Nation.

A new take on an old classic:

Rob Zombie's Plot Hole-oween!

Come on, Jodie Foster:

Of course the cops don't believe anything you say after, "My boyfriend..."