How Long Do You Think You Will Last?

Chalala really needed that truck.

A Boarding School for Girls

Actual names from the 2005 alumnae magazine of my alma mater, Garrison Forest:

Old School

Reute Butler
Tootie Whealton Burrows
Pendie Pendergast Bell Lippincott
Lowrie Wurts Ebberts
Kitty von Stade Krumpe
Ginnie Croker Easter
Kinko Bailey Hackney
Peppy Heppie Heppenheimer Chase
Taine Yearley Draper
Mimi Stone Medina
Brigid Biggs Buendia
Katie House Constable
Mary Deas Boykin Wortley
Sally-Heath Fahnestock Lloyd
Susan Fremont Fledgling Bird Giancana
Susie Boo Boocock Weld

The Poos

Poo Dana Putsch
Pooh Kuhn Browne
Poo Hoblitzell
Pootah Barrett Rich

They're Really Not Strippers

Bambi Glaccum
Bunny Renaud
Buppy Rawson
Keithie McKendrick
Meriwether LeBlond
Muffie Murray
Muffy Mudge
Sassy Stifel
Westy Litz
Winky Warfield
Weezie Pistell

White Things

Bunny Wight Herring
Christine White Man
Louise White Christmas

They're Really Not Porn Stars

Polly Dickey Cockburn
Titia Dick Ellis
Gay Buck Bennett
La Biggs Moan

Bob Denver...This Is Your Life

This is why Hollywood rules. Special thanks to ImdbPro.com for providing the worth of a man, boiled down into a line graph.


Please don't miss the tiny little gravestone icon.

Nit-Picking Tragedy

Ahhh...internet access. I've been without you for too long, as I've spent the last many days wandering the winding country roads of Maryland in search of the meaning of life. Luckily I've found it, and I plan to slowly reveal the purpose of our collective existence through hidden clues in future blog entries. Tune in, Blogfans!

While we're on the subject, who wants to start a petition to have the hurricane retroactively renamed? It just doesn't seem fair that so much suffering has been at the hands of a natural disaster with such a wussy sobriquet. Hurricane Salvatore or Hurricane Macho Man Randy Savage would be fine, but Hurricane Katrina sounds like a toe-headed Girl Scout in knee socks blowing on a dandelion. And our history books simply deserve more, damn it.