Twenty bucks.

Says the chubby brunette wins America's Next Top Model.

Are you a terrible person...

If you use those address labels without donating to cystic fibrosis?

Either Marisa Tomei & Debi Mazar eat babies...

Or 42 looks a lot better than it used to.

The Oscars reminded me...

I'm totally going gay when I get old.

Is it racist to say the black chicks on American Idol are way better than the white ones?

Because they are.

Wasn't the Milk Board doing this bit...

Long before Perez Hilton?

Sorry, Sarah Paulson...

It seems your moderate looks, bad comic timing and sibilant S's will have to find a new home on TV.

I, for one, can't wait!

Dannielynn's Suicide Countdown

16y:302d:4m:32s

Dear Hipsters,

Please stop seeing shitty movies ironically. They'll only make more of them.

Well, it worked for Natalie Portman.

"And I'm as pretty as she is.... Right?

...Y'all???"

Dear U.S. Mint,

Stop it. Just stop it.

Happy Valentine's Day

To all the happy couples out there.

Of all the things I could die without ever seeing...

This is number one on the list.

I still can't figure out...

Who the hot one is.

Ralph Nader:

Fucking Democrats up since 1996.

Anna Nicole Smith's death:

I blame TrimSpa.