On the Lot: I know who my money's on...

Leatherface Van Beethoven

Capt. Does This Make My
Ears Look Weird

Spike Lee

It's always extra sad when a guy whose whole shtick is "Hey, I'm still alive..."

Finally dies.

I wonder which of these three was most upset...

When they found out who the other two judges on On The Lot were going to be.

I guess our president thinks touching birdshit...

Is A-OK.

So Republicans just vote...

For the dude with the biggest ears...?

Holy shit.

I just found out what an episiotomy is.

Isn't it about time...

One of these kids came out retarded?

People Paula says:

This kid is the best child actor ever.

May 13, 2007: Worst Day Ever For...

I guess if Natalie Portman were cross-eyed...

She'd model t-shirts for a living.

The First 10 Things Paris Hilton Will Say to the Warden:

1. "I'm Paris. You're nobody. Wanna write that down?"

2. "So how are my paparazzi supposed to get over that big, cutty fence?"

3. "Um, nobody can see my thong through this gross orange jumpsuit."

4. "And those sheets are what count?"

5. "What do you mean, fake hair isn't allowed?"

6. "How the hell am I supposed to do rails off that tiny sink?"

7. "Shit, I forgot to get a sitter for Tinkerbell! Oh well, I'm so over that dog anyway."

8. "I really need to screw."

9. "You wanna screw?"

10. "The zipper starts at the top."

I really wouldn't notice if the cast of Lost traded places with these actors:

Blondie Pompeo or Blondie Mitchell...
What's the difference?

Indian guy from Lost or Indian guy from Heroes... Who cares?

Bald guy from The Office or bald guy from Lost...
Who can see past all the forehead wrinkles anyway?

Goodbye, Tom Poston.

May your answers in heaven be correct,
and your consolation prizes eternal.