Hey MTV,

What kind of lifelong, inviolable contract did you make with Britney Spears? If it weren't for you and your "documentaries" and "awards" no one would even remember the name Britney.

Coolest Nepotistic Connection in Hollywood:

Jake & Maggie Gyllenhaal, Zooey & Emily Deschanel and Amber Tamblyn each had a parent who worked on Twin Peaks. And all my stupid parents did was build houses.

Partini!

Tons of fun for anyone who's never attended a party or had a martini.

Dear Saturday Night Live,

Stop doing this.

People Paula once again uses her free time wisely:

Slumdog Millionaire:

I can't believe they made a movie out of that old Christina Ricci SNL sketch.

Disaronno: I've never seen so many ads....

For a product nobody likes.

Facebook:

Your daily gallery of shit you weren't invited to the night before.

Hey President Bush,

What's with the handshake?

Unlike the telephone and the lightbulb before them....

Today's remarkable inventions bring us one step closer to having boobs everywhere.

I can't believe I cried at Zack & Miri Make a Porno...

But I didn't when Obama won.

Hey Kentucky & Vermont, keep it in your pants.

I know you just want to be #1 in something, but it's not a crime to actually count the votes.

Joatever happened to Joaquin Phoenix?